Somewhere between that gray, rainy October and the world’s longest January, you lost your mojo. You’re not exactly sure what’s got you so down in the dumps, but the rising price of eggs definitely isn’t helping. You’re cranky and angry at other drivers on the road or passengers in your subway car. You’re honking and elbowing your way through life, and you’re starting to realize this level of misery isn’t your normal.
You remember the last time this happened to you: that one semester in college when you had to withdraw from all your classes. It got harder to shower, and calling a friend felt impossible, since you didn’t want to be a burden. You know where this goes, and it’s not good: your depression can get out of hand, and you can’t face it on your own. Here’s what to do when you notice your depression has become too much to handle alone.
1. Ask for Help
Your life and your happiness are valuable, and you deserve real help when it comes to getting better. Despite what your brain might be trying to convince you right now, you aren’t a burden on the people around you. If you don’t feel like you have a trusted friend, relative, or confidante you feel like you can go to right now, that’s OK. Religious organizations, support groups, and counseling centers, and even hospitals are full of people who understand and want to help.
It’s up to you to decide who you trust to reach out to, and how much support you feel like you need right now. Getting help could be as simple as texting a friend, or something more intensive, like going to inpatient rehab for depression. If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or self harm, it’s often best to go the professional route. You might need to change or start medication, or benefit from more structured therapeutic practices.
In any case, it bears repeating: you deserve to get the help you need, even though depression is so good at convincing you otherwise. Some people may invalidate you, so it’s important to ignore them and seek out the ones who affirm your worth. Even so, most folks around you want to see you doing better, and many have even gone through something similar. While it can be scary to lean on others, it’s going to be crucial to your recovery.
2. Make a Safety Plan
A safety plan usually comes in the form of a written document with different depression resources on it. You can create one on your own, or with loved ones or treatment providers, and pull it out whenever you need a little help. Safety plans can look different for different people, but most include the same basic elements. They can include lists of symptoms to watch out for, coping strategies, safe places and ways to minimize risk, and instructions for accessing support.
While the full safety plan may be several pages long, many people also make an emergency card. This card goes in their wallet or purse, and lists the most important or urgent resources to rely on in a crisis. An emergency card should include things like crisis hotlines, your therapist’s number, and a trusted emergency contact person’s info. It can also include therapy exercises, breathing exercises, meditations, grounding techniques, and even hobbies that help manage symptoms.
The purpose of both the emergency card and the safety plan are to keep you alive and safe in moments of crisis. They are meant to prevent self-harm and minimize the risk of potentially dangerous or suicidal behaviors. That said, frequent reliance on your safety plan might be a sign that your current treatment protocol isn’t working. It’s equally important to establish a steady support system and baseline of progress toward overall improvement in your quality of life.
3. Do the Bare Minimum of Self-Care
Lots of articles will tell you the best way to stave off depression is by doing things you can’t do when you’re depressed. “Get up and go to the gym every morning, for the endorphins.” “Spend time with friends.” “Eat a healthy diet.” “Focus on the positive.” As if just getting out of bed each morning weren’t hard enough. These are articles clearly written by people who’ve never actually had to deal with serious or worsening depression symptoms.
Setting unclear or unattainable goals can actually worsen symptoms of depression. Programming an intense gym regimen, filling your social calendar, or trying to follow a structured, restricted diet is only going to make things worse. Unfortunately, depression can trick you into thinking the problem is you, and that you just need to step out of it. However, the truth is that you need to bring things down a notch, or you’re only setting yourself up for failure.
Achievable self-care is a whole lot simpler and more basic, and should be tailored to what makes sense for you. Think simple, one-step ways to meet your basic needs and prioritize your brain and body’s health and safety. Drink some water, make sure you’re eating enough food, and that you’re at least resting your body even if you can’t fall asleep. Try to take a walk around the block — or around the living room — and work in a shower when you have the energy.
Don’t Forget Your Value
Depression is such a tricky illness to manage because of the number it does on your psyche. You believe you’re thinking rationally, so you decide the problem is you, and that you should “just snap out of it.” The reality, however, is that getting help and relying on others will get you a lot farther in your healing. It’s normal, healthy, and necessary to take things slower and to need more support while you’re managing depression.